It is the middle of December and I am not exactly sure just where the heck these last few weeks went or what exactly I have accomplished ….. not decorating for Christmas or excessive house cleaning but it has certainly passed quickly. I have been involved in some serious Pokemon sessions that I still don’t understand but Bo assures me that we are doing great!! I drive around the neighborhood and he captures all types of strange critters and then we have to replenish our pokeballs several times a day so we can capture some new ones!
Retirement is OK– but so very different than I had expected or anticipated. It means that you are in charge of your time and your plans. It means being able to take a weekend to play with grandbabies or watch football without worrying if laundry is done cause I have all week to do it! It means sitting in my recliner playing different solitaire games for literally hours if I want to. I still am not real good at facebook, and will tell Amanda that I got an e-mail from someone when I mean a text message, but I have time to learn –if I want to!
I have gone to Sunrise a couple of times to tie up some loose ends but the last time I was there was different. No difference in how any one treated me but there but just a difference in the feeling that I had. When I walked to my car that day, I realized that this is my LAST time of being any part of the integral part of Sunrise== like walking out of court when the judge has just granted the divorce decree or watching the casket of a dear friend as it drops into the hole. It is a separation of past love and current situation. It is final and a different kind of sad. A strange feeling engulfed me as I started my car and took one more long look around the campus, like when a movie or a good book ends and you don’t want it to. It was an ache that tears couldn’t ease and even Vicks and Ibuprofen couldn’t relieve. (Vicks and Ibuprofen have historically solved most of my issues through the years)
This was different than the other sad times when I knew I would miss daily seeing the residents or the staff, when I knew there would be no more crisis to solve or no more sharing in the highs and lows of Sunrise daily lives–be it new babies or split relationships or the death of someone dear. This was a finality that happens when you realize that you are no longer a part of something that had pretty well defined you through most of your adult life, and now you are YOU– not a Sunrise representative but you. Now to figure out just who the heck YOU are!!